I'm a Scientist...

I'm glad I am not going for any popularity contests, because I have already lost before even entering any such contest.  Over one month in, and I have two (2) followers.  Count them.  1,2...that's it!  Sure, I haven't posted this blog on Facebook or Twitter, or anywhere else on the internets, but at least I had thought some loser with nothing better to do with themselves would pick it up.  I'm not sure what I am waiting for to spread the gospel according to me.  Perhaps the anxiety of only having two (2) followers after months of posting?  In all actuality, I am not waiting for anything.  I am doing this for myself.  Thats' right.  I am a selfish asshole.  I was brought up with 8 siblings after all.  To this day I don't share my food, and god love ya if you think you're driving my car.  But a blog?  Is that really something to be selfish about?  Isn't it meant to be shared amongst the masses?  Yes.  I mean no.  God, why can't I make up my mind? 

I don't want to be this guy anymore.

Ok, yes.  I wanted to give writing a blog a try and see if I liked it.  Well I like it.  And I think it is time to roll this thing out and see if anyone reads it.  By golly, Sofia reads it at work with Bizzy (tax-payers, you listening?), and Michaela, who has plenty to do deep in the jungle of Borneo is following along as well. I think I can get one, maybe two (2) more followers.  Minette said she would follow, but clearly she lied (that lying bitch).  Alright.  Enough of this.  On with the blogging...but first, I need to do a bit of research on the word "blog"...

blog

  [blawg, blog]
noun, verb, blogged, blog·ging.

–noun

1.

a web site containing the writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other Web sites.

–verb (used without object)

2.

to maintain or add new entries to a blog.

—Related forms

blogger, noun

After carefully reading this definition and deciphering its meaning, I have concluded that I am doing exactly what the definition states, both in noun and verb form.  It appears that you can also pronounce "blog" like you're from Brooklyn, and possibly Jewish.  Just like Linda Richman from SNL.  BLAWG! 

Cawl me.  We'll tawk about dawtehs, dawgs, cawffee, blawgs - no big whoop.

It has been over a month into this experiment I like to call a life without wine.  I'm getting tired of talking about milestones because I don't really think about it often, so I think this might be one of my last mentions regarding giving up alcohol.  I might also be cranky about the whole damn thing.  I'm going with cranky.  

Speaking of experiments...


I really liked science as a kid.  When I started college, I was a chemistry major.  That didn't really work out how I thought it would, however, I was very much into science at the time (it actually became way too serious for me - nothing like Beakman's World would suggest).  A while back, like when I was in high school, I conducted some scientific research of my own.  I used to like to do scientific research, like seeing what I could light on fire.  And, I made sure that I followed the scientific method of conducting research very strictly.  With a few amendments, I created the "that sounds about right" method of conducting research and finding results, and to this day, I still prefer this method.  I've yet to be published in any scientific journals though, and I'm not sure why, as you will find out now...  






I conducted an experiment consisting of a large-sized pool of respondents of a handful of friends, asking if they had a word that they liked a lot.  (To you non-scientific people, this meant that I asked them what their favorite word was.)  From the results of my findings, I could confidently say that everyone has a favorite word and that this favorite word can change over time.  My favorite word at the time was "affidavit", although it was quickly pointed out to me by my friend Jen (Gomes) that I was pronouncing it wrong, which quickly put it in the pool of other words that were in contention to be my favorite word, although I can't remember any of them right now.  Try as I should have, I couldn't even place blame on regional dialect for my goof, although, as the Kennedy's are proof, the English language can sound really goofy.  Fall River is notorious for destroying the English language, however, there was no convincing Jen about changing how one can pronounce the word "affidavit".  It was that long "a" that tripped me up.  I still like the word, and I would even go so far as to say it is still my favorite.  But I prefer a short "a".  Who's with me on this?  There are only two (2) of you, so if only one agrees, that'll make my day. 

The Un-Mr. Wizard.

Over the years, I conducting more experiments with the English language.  My findings after conducting this research have also concluded that there is a word out there that everyone, YES EVERYONE!, finds difficult for them to spell every time they come across it while writing.  That word for me is "privilege".  I always think there is a "d" before the "g".  Always.  Anyway, in my line of work I use this word all day, throughout the day, yet, every time I have to spell it, I can't for the life of me remember how.  Thank god most of my paperwork is computer-based so spell-check doesn't make me look stoopid no more.  And FYI, I was out in Round 1 of my 5th grade spelling bee thanks to the word "chief".  "I" before "E" everyone.  Don't forget it.  I did.